The need to be right and to impose your view of “right” onto your partner results in a constant tough of war in which nobody feels seen, heard or understood. A retreat from fights that go nowhere ends in emotional distance. Relationship therapy places emphasis on relational intelligence. It provides a focus on the “We” while also helping to understand the “Me”.

This is the most complex area in relationships. To communicate clearly we have to know ourselves clearly. This in itself is difficult. Needs to be heard, seen and understood may cause us to push ourselves to the front of the line, leaving our partners not heard, seen or understood. Slowing this process down and unpacking the deeper layers in “communication problems” is the core of relationship therapy.

The sexual relationship is the arena in which all of the above issues most clearly manifest. Many women withdraw or only “give” duty sex because they refuse to sleep with the stranger their partner is to them. Many men want sex because they confuse physical sex, the comfort of body contact, with deeper emotional intimacy.